This is a strange way to begin a story about a diesel Jaguar, but bear with me. It has been a long time since the Jaguar V12 shuffled off this mortal production line. In fact, the last XJ12 rolled out of the Browns Lane factory gates as long ago as 1997.
Since then Jaguar has been restricted to a series of straight-sixes, V6s and V8s and, magnificent though the latest generation of supercharged V8 is, there's been nothing to match the effortless, near-silent waftery of the old 12-pot Jags.
Until last year, that is, when Jaguar introduced the third generation of its twin-turbo diesel V6 to the XF, creating the XF Diesel S. Jaguar's AJV6 diesel has always been magnificently refined, but the latest iteration is also genuinely whisper-quiet and Casanova-smooth. With 271bhp and, crucially, 443lb ft of torque (a solid 101lb ft more than the old XJ12 had), the XF Diesel S also has the effortless waft side of things amply covered.
Of course, gentle cruising isn't the only trick in the oil-burning XF's repertoire - it also does a more than passable impression of a bona fide sports saloon. This is really what we're here to test - especially since Jaguar has just introduced a Dynamics Pack and an Aerodynamics Pack for the 2011 model year, two options that should make the diesel XF as focused as anything in the XF range south of an XFR.
It's not quite an XFR with black stuff pumping through its combustion chambers, however. Although it gets adaptive dampers, the spring and damper rates are different from the XFR's set-up and there's no electronic differential control. Likewise, while the visual pump-up includes XFR side sills, it misses out on the supercharged car's bonnet vents, and the 20-inch alloys and chunky front bumpers differ between the two models.
On the road that 443lb ft of torque (just 18lb ft shy of the supercharged 5.0-litre V8 XFR) provides the sort of grunt that used to be the sole preserve of (very) large V8s. It's particularly noticeable if you switch the car into dynamic mode, which holds onto the gears, allowing you to bounce off the rev limiter when using the steering wheel-mounted paddles.
Do this in second or third (not in fourth - unless you don't care about losing your licence) and, as you nudge the red line, keep your foot planted and tap the right-hand paddle to shift up a gear; there's a real shove in the small of your back as the revs drop back into peak torque territory.
You might miss the gurgling growl of the XFR, but that chunky torque figure means you'll make almost as swift progress in the diesel - swifter even than the merely moderately impressive 0-60mph figure of 5.9secs would suggest.
What might hamper your cross-country progress slightly, however, is the absence of that active differential. It's not a massive deal, but progress out of tighter corners is a little restricted. And it's alarmingly easy to spin-up an inside wheel if you switch off the electronic controls. We pulled out of a slightly dusty junction enthusiastically - but in second gear - only to inadvertently leave a James Bond-style smoke screen of burned inside rear tyre hanging in the air behind us.
Minor traction issues aside (and to be honest the traction control minimises the effect of the absent differential trickery anyway), the XF diesel is a fine cross-country tool, and the Dynamics Pack only adds to the package. Jaguar says that its adaptive dampers analyse chassis movement, driver inputs and steering wheel movements up to 500 times per second, and continually adjusts the suspension to "improve handling without loss of comfort".
What that means in practise for the enthusiastic driver (which we would hope includes the majority of PHers) is that the XF is slightly tauter and more controlled over rippled, undulating B-roads without ever feeling over-firm. You have to try a non-adaptive set-up over the same road to notice the difference, but it is there.
The optional 20-inch five-spoke wheels also look great and, as with the XFR, don't cause the ride quality to deteriorate unduly. The Dynamics Pack starts from £1250 and, as a corollary to the already beautiful handling balance and lovely steering of the standard XF, we think that's pretty good value.
The Aerodynamic Pack is of perhaps more dubious value. It costs £1500 or, if you specify the LED daytime running lights (please don't), £2000. Sure, it looks suitably chunky, but against the price of the Dynamics Pack it does look a little expensive.
So: a derv-fuelled alternative to an XFR? Not quite, but if you want a fast, refined and fun saloon (and one capable of 40mpg-plus) it's hard to think of a better option. And you can pretend you're driving an XJ12.
ENGINE & TRANSMISSION
Engine Capacity (litres) 3.0
Engine Capacity (cc) 2993
Cylinders 6
Valves per Cylinder 4
Compression Ratio 16.0:1
Bore Stroke/mm 84.0/90.0
Bore Stroke/inch 3.30/3.54
Transmission Final Drive Ratio 2.73:1
Transmission 6-speed automatic
1st 4.17 : 1
2nd 2.34 : 1
3rd 1.52 : 1
4th 1.14 : 1
5th 0.87 : 1
6th 0.69 : 1
Rev 3.40 : 1
PERFORMANCE
Fastest 0-60 mph (seconds) (Estimate) 5.9
Fastest 0-100 kph (seconds) (Estimate) 6.4
Fastest 50-70 mph (seconds) (Estimate) 3.2
Fastest 1/4 mile (seconds) (Estimate) 14.6
Top Speed (mph/kph) 155/250
Max. Power (SAE bhp) @ rpm n/a
Max. Power (EEC PS) @ rpm 275@4000
Max. Power (EEC kW) @ rpm 202@4000
Power to Weight Ratio - SAE BHP/ton n/a
Power to Weight Ratio - EEC PS/tonne 151
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