A few years ago we featured the Rover Metro Chairman, which was a very high car. This week we bring you the Ford Dorchester, which is a very long car.
Adding length to things that weren't designed to be long is not something we readily tolerate in aviation or boating, but it seems to be okay in the car world. We've all seen those horrific hen party specials based on Hummers and other unwanted Americana painted pink, in which the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol is not only possible but essential if you're of a nervous disposition.
On the more respectable side of the limo business you will find Bolton-based body shop Coleman Milne. C&M has been making a tidy living out of extending motors for sixty years or so, and they're still doing it. Their modern version of our shed, the diesel Mondeo-based Rosedale, will cost you the thick end of ninety grand, so our £1,500 Granada-based Dorchester looks like quite a bargain. Especially when you factor in its 57,000 mileage, general condition, near-spotless MOT (just a minor exhaust blow recorded at the last test) and the 2.9 litre Ford V6 under its bonnet.
Admittedly, the Cologne 2.9 wasn't Ford's finest hour. In the Sierra, Shed seems to recall it powering the Sierra XR 4x4, but with a max output of between 150 and 160hp it wasn't exactly a monster. Breathing was not its strong point. Even the quad-cam 24-valve Cosworth version that was fitted to the Scorpio was a bit of a letdown. Our Shed's lump could be turbocharged to around 200hp, but conventional tuning isn't easy or particularly rewarding. More than one Sierra Cosworth limo has been made, so an engine transplant along those lines should be possible.
Whatever you choose to do under the bonnet, you'll end up with a vehicle that should be very good indeed on motorways but maybe less impressive on the Stelvio Pass. The middle row of seats seems to be a belt-free zone so you'd probably whip those out to reveal a large space for footrests, large-screen TV or even a modest cooking range. Shed isn't sure what the gross vehicle weight would be but you don't need him to explain the duty-free possibilities. The glass partition is purpose-built for those normally fractious trips to Ikea with the nippers.
Think carefully before buying, however. A vehicle like this will definitely stand out in a car park, but more in a 'get that thing out of my way' fashion than 'cor, look at that'. That's assuming the car park isn't a multi-storey of course, in which case you'll definitely be limited to spaces on the ground floor. You've probably noticed that these spaces tend to be in short supply. Even if there is one, you're not guaranteed to get your Dorchester in it. That's the thing with cars like this: they're designed to a very specific brief which doesn't really involve going to Nandos or the shops.
Let's say that a Dorchester does suit your lifestyle, which it might if you live in a remote part of the country with unrestricted parking, you're trying to launch your band's gigging career on the cheap, or you're searching for a short-term hauler that will take you and a bunch of mates to Le Mans next year. Is there anything you need to bear in mind?
Yes. What might happen the first time you try to exceed 20mph in it, for a start. MOT testing is one thing, but a PH-style awakening for a car that's done an average of 1,000 gentle, very slow miles a year might come as a shock. Its reintegration into society as a normal car should be done gradually and carefully. You know, keep it below 80mph for the first couple of trips just to make sure all the hoses are still hosing and the brakes are functioning correctly with a full load of buddies and beers before you real giving the Ford its breathless head.
The arrival of this limo is very appropriate actually because it's seeing something off, namely the £1,500 limit of cars eligible for Shed of the Week. Like the Dorchester, Shed will be calling for oxygen as he explores the giddy heights of cars priced at up to £2,000, starting next week.
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