Here’s a riddle. What does Shed have in common with Jenson Button? Apart from them both being West Country lads?
The answer is that, like UK royalty, neither of them carry cash. For Shed that has almost always been down to him not having any cash to carry. He isn’t sure what Jenson’s reason for not holding folding was, but it did cause JB some inconvenience back in 2000 when, at the age of 20, he was caught doing 141mph in a BMW-Williams team-owned E46 330d while en route to the Monaco GP or on his way home from testing in Nogaro, depending on which bit of the internet you choose to believe.
Jenson was hit with a £500 on-the-spot fine for that. When he pulled out his trouser pocket linings to reveal nothing but fluff, les flics shepherded him to a cashpoint. After the transaction, a quick coffee and an autograph session, he was on his way and the cops had a great story to dine out on.
Why, you may ask, was Button driving a diesel? Again there are two possible reasons. One, somebody supposedly told him he was only allowed to drive diesels until he reached the age of 21. And two, which sounds more likely, the 1998-on E46 330d was a genuinely good choice back then. It began life with a straight-six 2.9-litre diesel blowing out 181hp and a hearty 288lb ft from 1,750rpm, enough for the aforementioned Button-authenticated 141mph top end and a 0-60mph time in the high sevens. This is the data we’re given in the ad for our shed, which is a May 2002 example. At some point in 2002, the engine was changed to a 3.0-litre with 201hp and 302lb ft, which took the 0-60 time down to the low sevens and the top end up to 146mph without really affecting the economy.
We’re assuming it’s the pre-refresh engine here. Whichever one you had in your 330d, it tramped on a treat. Not only was it fast on any kind of road, its non-Button-authenticated cruising economy of better than 40mpg meant that you didn’t need to stop very often. That made it a very good tool in which to put away serious mileage.
What about this example though? Let’s start with the paint and leather. The only piece of advice Shed’s father ever gave him was never to wear brown shoes with a black suit. It was redundant advice as it turned out because Shed was never wealthy enough to own a suit, his dad having squandered the family fortune on a series of doomed business ventures like life expectancy watches, horse headlights, flatulence deodorising pads and flame-emitting trumpets (all of which are not only real but patented). Anyway, the black and brown thing doesn’t seem to affect cars negatively. Many will surely stroke their virtual beards in silent admiration of this car’s classy look.
There’s no getting away from this car’s age, so how might it spoil your day? Well, BMW had to do recalls on the 330d to replace crusty steering shafts and faulty bearings in the high-pressure fuel injection pump. Ongoingly, owners famously had bother with injectors – expensive to replace and, in the case of the one nearest to the bulkhead, swinishly difficult to remove – and with plastic swirl flaps, MAF sensors, EGR valves, turbos, and water pumps.
Additionally, 330ds could be heavy on fuel too if you didn’t have the right map in place, and heavy on tyres if you were heavy with your right foot. Properly remapped though they were real weapons, especially in the critically important performance area of motorway on-ramp high-gear rollons. As a bonus a good map would actually increase your mpg as well as your thrunge factor.
Generically, E46s suffered from suspension trouble – cracking springs, subframe bush failure and the like. On this specific car, non-dangerous corrosion to the rear spring mounts has been noted on the MOT reports since 2020. That wasn’t mentioned in last June’s test, suggesting it’s been attended to, but rust is now attacking the rear springs.
Despite everything, Shed reckons this one should be good for a few more miles yet, although of course everything will depend on the state of the components mentioned above. Reassuringly it’s got 13 stamps in the service book, five of them from a main stealer. The vendor is selling it with a one-month warranty, but as they warn four times in their ad, ’T&C apply’.
Anyone who buys this car will probably have to do something urgent with the wonky back numberplate. This is the sort of thing that makes many peoples’ teeth itch. Shed actually prefers a jaunty angle when approaching from the rear as he says it gives him a clearer overview of possible issues, most depressingly in his case with crusty shafts and dodgy swirl flaps.
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