I'm not sure if the rear view mirror on an S1 Elise comes from the same Austin/Rover parts bin as the wing mirrors, but what I can tell you is that it's a humungous lump of plastic and the complete antithesis of Lotus's minimalist ethos. On the other hand, its ample acreage area provided me with a fabulous view of the plume of white smoke streaming from my engine bay as I braked into Brooklands at the recent PH Silverstone Sunday Service...
In fine form on the way to a cambelt change
Before I expand on this latest saga, a quick synopsis of the last six months. Having finally fulfilled my long held ambition to secure a garage in which to store the Elise, I had hoped for a quiet winter with it tucked up safe, sound and dry for the first time during my tenure. In December the shutters went up and it rolled out onto Surrey and Sussex's greasy tarmac for a slithery drive down to Petersfield to get it serviced and the cambelt changed. My route down to Analogue Automotive is always a treat, taking in the A29 and A272, though all too often it's crawling with frustrating farm traffic and Honda Jazzes doing 39mph. This time though, the stars aligned, the Honda owners had all reached the garden centre for lunch and I enjoyed one of the clearest runs I've ever had on the way home. The only thing spoiling the drive was a slight misfire - with hindsight, an indication that my new garage wasn't perhaps the hermetically sealed haven I'd imagined. More on that in a moment...
New leads and rotor arm cured the misfire - installed on a typical December day with rain cascading off garage door and pooling at my feet - and with that job ticked off, the Elise was locked away for two months. The day before the Silverstone Sunday Service I went over to give it a quick clean, top up the tyre pressures and check it still started. What greeted me was a rather forlorn sight.
Leaky garage wasn't the issue first thought
Crumbs from the rusty beams and bits of the corrugated-god-knows-what roof covered the damp, sticky bodywork. Spiders' webs strung between the rear buttresses and engine intakes, and inside there was a musky smell and a thin layer of mould. When I reversed it out into the daylight, it became clear the whole body was covered in acne; a sea of blisters bubbling up beneath the paintwork. It's not an uncommon problem among S1 Elises, and every winter my Sport 135 comes out in this unsightly rash, only for it to disappear again once temperatures warm up. But this was on another level. Guess what? A dark, leaky, unventilated old garage is probably worse than just leaving it outside in the street.
Still, if ever there was a stern test for the SiRamiK coating applied by Renovatio last October, my bedraggled Elise was it; if it lived up to its billing, the Lotus should have been back to pristine again in less than an hour. So, with only portable power washer (there's no power at my garage, and the only water is dripping through the roof) and a pile of microfibre cloths and wash mitts, I attacked the grime. After half an hour the exterior was back to its former glory, and a quick wipe around sorted out the interior. A job that's normally a massive pain to do properly, and that I loathe as a result, had been transformed into a breeze. If car cleaning is that quick and easy in another year or two, that trick coating will have more than earned its keep.
At 6am the next day, I was on the motorway heading north to, what transpired to be, a frigid Silverstone. Upon arrival James and Ben revealed the first two sessions had been cancelled because of the icy track, but a cup of tea and a walk round the eclectic mix of PH cars - a stunning 570S and lovely Delta Integrale among the standouts - filled the time to the briefing.
Now I've never been on a taster track day where you just pay by the session, but I am wise enough to know that they can be, let's say, a little lively. Even so, the first session came as shock. The cold, damp surface was exhibiting Silverstone's classic anti-grip and yet most of the thirty cars seemed to be treating it like an audition for a BTCC seat. There were some pretty extraordinary overtaking moves under braking, at least four spinners, and I lost count of the corners where someone would be sitting in my blind spot just inches from my bumper. To be honest, it was a huge relief when the chequered flag came out and I pulled into the pits still in one piece.
Fortunately the circuit had dried and testosterone levels had subsided by the time I'd got out again in the third session. And just as I was starting to get warmed up and reacquainted, the engine bay turned into a chimney.
... and the less pretty one!
It gets worse before it gets better. Being the muppet that I am, I completely forgot to renew my breakdown cover when I got the car back from Analogue at the end of the summer. So I had to join up again, at a premium obviously, and wait for the AA man to arrive. He called it as a sump gasket leak, which sounded less expensive than other potential scenarios, but dashed any comfort I took in this by revealing that my only real recovery option was to upgrade from the basic breakdown cover - at a premium again, obviously - and pay £2.50 per mile over the first 50 miles for the flatbed of shame home. £360 lighter, and eight hours later, I finally arrived back at the garage. It had been quite a day, though not really one that will figure in my top ten moments of Elise ownership. And I still need to hire a trailer to get it down to Petersfield before we can even start to find and cure the issue. To be continued...
Fact sheet
Car: 1998 Lotus Elise Sport 135
Run by: Danny Milner
Bought: October 2010
Purchase price: £9,500
This month at a glance: Lots of trouble usually what now?
